Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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