my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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