i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
