i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
