It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
