i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
