Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
