Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
