So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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