We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
