definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
