now i know why i became what i already was.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
