Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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