Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
