After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want a musical about memes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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