the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can you bring me the toilet please
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
