This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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