her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
