I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
