i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
