i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
