Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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