Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
