Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
