I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
