your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
this is an emotional support booty call
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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