i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
