i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
