how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
