I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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