dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
