yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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