Well apparently he's into motor boating.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
