Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I look better un-naked...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
