We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
