i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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