I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
