im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
