Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
