All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
