Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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