He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
