my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
