She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
