My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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