Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
