hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
