just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
