Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
