Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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