he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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