It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
