i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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