Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
