at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
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