lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
