I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize